As I sit here, listening to Stevie Nicks’ husky vocals croaking out Landslide, I’m so overwhelmed that I’m battling back tears. I’ve always identified with the song on a personal level, but it’s intensifying rapidly as I get older. As my kids get older. As I’m trying to figure out what the hell to do with my life.
2011 has so far been a year of introspection for me. I’m 27 years old. In two years, my littlest baby will be starting school. My entire life will change. I don’t expect I’ll be taking care of other peoples’ kids while my own children are being taught by someone else. My interests are so varied, I’m so fickle and I’ve been the
slave-driver boss – under my own roof – for so long, that I just can’t see myself holding down a full-time job working for “the man”.
I’m in the position that so many women would dream to be in – to have a husband who can financially support us during my transitional period.
The thing I’m afraid of is that I won’t have the courage to figure out which of my many dreams I’d like to make reality. If I do nail down something I’d like to accomplish – will I have the skill and determination and consistency to succeed?
Is the fear of my potential failure enough to stop me from ever trying? Is it wise to go out on such a limb considering I have a family to think about? Because one thing I do know is certain – if you do something half-way, it’s ain’t gonna effin’ work. Nobody who has achieved anything worthwhile ever did it without a full commitment.
Ah, ah… I don’t know.