The Landslide

As I sit here, listening to Stevie Nicks’ husky vocals croaking out Landslide, I’m so overwhelmed that I’m battling back tears.  I’ve always identified with the song on a personal level, but it’s intensifying rapidly as I get older.  As my kids get older.  As I’m trying to figure out what the hell to do with my life.

2011 has so far been a year of introspection for me.  I’m 27 years old.  In two years, my littlest baby will be starting school.  My entire life will change.  I don’t expect I’ll be taking care of other peoples’ kids while my own children are being taught by someone else.  My interests are so varied, I’m so fickle and I’ve been the slave-driver boss – under my own roof – for so long, that I just can’t see myself holding down a full-time job working for “the man”.

I’m in the position that so many women would dream to be in – to have a husband who can financially support us during my transitional period.

The thing I’m afraid of is that I won’t have the courage to figure out which of my many dreams I’d like to make reality.  If I do nail down something I’d like to accomplish – will I have the skill and determination and consistency to succeed?

Is the fear of my potential failure enough to stop me from ever trying?  Is it wise to go out on such a limb considering I have a family to think about?  Because one thing I do know is certain – if you do something half-way, it’s ain’t gonna effin’ work.  Nobody who has achieved anything worthwhile ever did it without a full commitment.

Ah, ah… I don’t know.



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8 responses to “The Landslide

  1. Hey Erin – don’t get so caught up in what it is you want to do that you lose sight of what you’re already doing. Destinations are overrated – the value is in the journey. ❤

  2. The above comment makes me think of the saying,”the journey is the destination.” At 27 years-old, I often wonder what I am doing, too. Until I figure that out, just going to enjoy the journey. Keep writing! 🙂

  3. If it is something you really want, then yes I think you will have the consistency and determination to succeed…so says the 28 year old premed mother of 2. 😉

    • Thanks Kyla, I hope you’re right! I would like to think that if I want it bad enough, I will succeed. My worry is, I haven’t ever been very passionate about any one thing. Maybe I just need more time to mature into it.

  4. Sounds like your hands are REALLY full…being a mother of three by 27 has defined your life for a while, so any change will be scary because it’s new. The standard advice (not un-useful) is to think what it is you do for fun and love so much you would do it unpaid….then find a way to get paid for it. Short of being a rock star, knowing what your passions are (and then figuring out who might pay you for it) can help. I’ve been a journalist my whole life and when I really thought hard about a major change went off to interior design school…I stayed in journalism (marriage gone, income gone), but it was liberating as hell to realize I am very good at other things as well. The other challenge for you will be juggling motherhood with work; if you can’t find a flexible kind of work or employer, it might be rough. (i.e. not law or medicine!)

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