How to Kill a Mouse D-E-D dead.

So.  We live in an old house (circa 1899).  Our house has a lot of “character”.  By “character”, I, of course, mean that some of the floors are on a nearly 10 degree slant, our sump pump works practically 24/7 and it’s a haven for wildlife.

We’ve had bats in the house proper ($1500 later, they’re thankfully gone), birds, squirrels, ants, beetles in the spring, serious damage to the flashing and roof from a raccoon trying to batter/claw/eat its way into the attic (which is how the bats got in)… and now, mice.

The occasional mouse in our walls during the winter is one thing.  I can ignore it.

But when a tub of peanut butter is accidentally left open on the counter overnight and a mouse (or mice, god forbid) licks the lid clean and proceeds to litter all over the counter – they have initiated an all out war with one ultimate goal – TOTAL ANNIHILATION OF MUS MUSCULUS.  (yes, I googled that… why, does it make me sound SMRT?  That was the plan.  Also, using “mouse” one more time in that sentence would have been really repetitive.)

It seems like my Buddhist-like pleading to Hubby that all animals deserve respect and that we could live-trap them and set them free somewhere far far away have fallen on deaf ears.  My 6 year old son, James, has taken it as his personal quest to eradicate our house of these disgusting creatures and Jon has made it his personal quest to put James’s plans into action.

James has designed a couple torture devices as follows.

From the above, I have observed the following:

1)  I don’t know how Allie from Hyperbole and a Half does it – after all that MS Paint’ing, my right hand feels like it’s been vacationing for a few hours in a vise grip.

2)  James has obviously never seen a “real” mouse, being that his drawing looks like a computer mouse with eyes.

3)  My son will either be a clever engineer, a SAW-style mass murderer or a sci-fi/fantasy novelist.  Jury’s out.

4)  Mom and Dad either drink too much (used a beer bottle???) or not enough (apparently thinks beer bottles look like odd square shaped boxes???)

5) I make a deplorable artist.  Sad, that.  I had such high hopes for myself.

I hope everyone had a happy Monday!

1 Comment

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One response to “How to Kill a Mouse D-E-D dead.

  1. Pingback: The Tragic Demise of Mousie… | creatinglittlemonsters

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