Even though our cell phone – a sinfully ugly and technologically under-achieving pay-as-you-go – is about as useful as the old zac morris-style foot-long originals, I decided I was tired of being the last person under 30 to join Twitter. So I did. Even though I’m going to have to update from my laptop, I figure hell, I’m home 95% of the time anyway (sigh). Why not?
Little by little, I’m getting connected. That scares the shit outta me.
I always thought maintaining a large network of acquaintances was something those people did. You know – motivated people. People who know who they are, who know what they want and want to share these things with the world. People who keep acquaintances in their back pocket for later and who have the ability to reconnect – “hey, remember me?” – without the fear that maybe, just maybe, you are as totally forgettable as you sometimes think you are.
Dammit, networking is a big commitment. And a lot of responsibility. And a lot of work. Three things I’m practically allergic to, in spite of the fact that I have a very healthy relationship with hubby and I’m capable of running a functional household and keeping children in line (and alive, by some miracle!).
Also, it’s really hard to maintain the illusion of who I am and sometimes it feels like if I share it with so many more people, I might crack and turn into the irrational and psychotic nutjob everyone has been expecting to emerge all these years. I do a lot more compartmentalizing than is healthy, but every once in a while the nutjob in me tries to claw its way free.
Come to think of it, I don’t know if I’ve ever felt like a whole person – I’ve always been broken – and it takes a lot to keep that knowledge from society at large and also, from myself. Oh, the lies we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel “normal”. I’m putting that right out there, but it’s only a few
unlucky individuals who I trust enough to actually experience my dark side.
Anyway, I’m stepping out from my bubble of safety. I’m going to take this Twitter business for a spin and see if it works out. I need to stop being so afraid of failure that I don’t even try. Really, what I’m talking about has nothing to do with Twitter (Really? No.), it’s just the story of my life. But hey, just like starting this blog, Twitter is another step in the right direction.
Also, Twitter greatly appeals to my love of saying whatever folly flies into my head at any given moment. Cheers to that.
If you’d like to be my twitter friend (aw! please say yes!) follow me @createmonsters. Oh, and bear with me.